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There was no NASCAR race on TV this weekend so I spent my Easter Sunday at Joe's Travel Plaza in Westley, CA. buying Teryaki Slim Jims & Mountain Dew Code Red when I was approached by a blind Spanish Gypsy woman. She spoke to me about obtaining "God like" powers & achieving looks that would rival that of "Saved by the Bell's" Zack Morris. I questioned her, "how these things were possible?" she then handed me a plastic Wal-Mart bag. In it, The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee! The second I put it on I blacked out...I awoke someplace high in the clouds, looking down from outside my body. I was naked riding on the back of a White Buffalo & I was dual wielding flaming bows. I shot burning arrows into the hearts of baby Siamese Kittens that were planning on taking over the world. I spoke in a language that sounded like a cross between a Velociraptor & Robocop. After I killed off the kittens, the Buffalo carried me to the top of a volcano. It was on top of this volcano I saw the Spirit of the the Three Wolf Tee decend on a lightning bolt and strike me on my chest! The blow was so fierce it knocked me off of my Buffalo. I instantly grew a beard and sharted a little. Once I fully came to, I was standing in complete knight armor on the abyssal plane, face to face with a Golden Unicorn. The spirit of the Three Wolf Tee spoke to me and told me I would need the glowing blood of a Golden Unicorn to fully activate the power of the t-shirt. I raised my flaming bow, drew back on the string, and released my arrow. It flew straight and true into the jugular of the Unicorn. As the Unicorn slowly died over the course of 4 hours and 18 minutes, I laughed & rolled the Mountain Three Wolf t-shirt in the glowing river of Unicorn blood...I had activated the t-shirts true powers!!! I awoke naked in Joe's Travel Plaza shower stall number 4. Sitting in a pool of my own urine, wearing the Three Wolf Moon Tee, mis-matching socks, and reeking of Teryaki Slim Jims...thank you Spanish Gypsy woman, I will never forget you.
My Husband Bought this for me after I told him my Doctor recommended it and I immediately tried it, after all I thought what Have I got to lose except the painful Bloating and gas I get whenever I eat foods(any foods affecting me). So I tried it and within a couple of days of taken it, I noticed a difference right away. Like the product says you will still feel a little bloated and some gas while your body gets used to it But that will subside. I had stomach problems for 4 years and my Nurse Practioner told me nothing was wrong until I had a ultrasound after 4 years of being in pain and found out I had a Moderate to severe problem with a Bowel Obstruction, But she never even recommended anything so I went to a specialist that found out my problems and recommended I take Align and so far it's worked great!! I highly recommend it to anyone with IBS
When our infantry company was surrounded in the central highlands, far from base with the monsoon preventing resupply or medivacs, we soon ran out of ammo. As the advancing NVA horde steadily mowed us down we were forced to resort to a last-ditch effort at survival.
As the sarge shouted out to the remaining few, "Fix bayonettes!!!!!" my thoughts led to Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. A friend of my youth, due to the many miles separating Vietnam from the "real world" I had been forced to forego my previous life-long affair with my one true buddy, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
The incoming fire slapping the air as the slugs sped by brought me back to reality. Then, Sarge's voice rose above the crescendo of death flailing our ever-diminishing ranks, "CHARGE!!!!!!" he bellowed, jumping up to lead the way against the advancing foe outnumbering us a hundred-to-one. Immediately, a dozen slugs sent sarge whirling to the ground. A dozen others who had risen with sarge fell also.
Looking about me, all I saw were mangled bodies, looking like the jugs of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz whose luxurious contents had been quaffed, then tossed into the trash compactor and rent asunder by the powerful compactor jaws clamping down.
Facing impossible odds, apparently the last survivor of my unit, I vowed to go down fighting, visions of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz filling my last earthly thoughts.
Springing up with a shout of, "Long live Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz," I ran towards the enemy horde, bayontte leveled, certain that I had mere seconds left to me.
As I ran through the hail of incoming fire, running through the rushing monsoon rain, I sought out the enemy, ready to wield my weapon yet still thinking of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
I ran and ran. My throat becoming raw from the incessant yelling so I ceased the yells but kept my legs pumping, calling upon the marvellous physique I possessed from arduous physical activity and the years of nourishment provided by Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
Mile after mile I ran as the sounds of gunfire receeded behind me. Coming upon a river I flung my rifle aside and dove in, swimming downstream, the fast-flowing water aiding my efforts to escape. Hours went by when I espied a boat, a powered boat, a large boat dispalying an American flag!!!!! Hallelujah!!!! I was saved!!!!
The SEAL team on the craft hauled me aboard and took me to their base where I was served, to my shocked delight, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz, specially flown in via the special channels those SEALs had at their disposal.
The decades crept by but my thoughts often go back to that fateful day where I was the lone survivor out of 120 good Americans. Visiting Vietnam last year with a group of 'Nam veterans, we met some of those who had opposed us. The veterans from both sides shook hands and decided to let the past remain there. To salute our mutual forgiveness I hefted a jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. There wasn't a dry eye present.
Every now and then I salute my long-gone comrades. I come to attention, raise my glass and proclaim; "This is for you my bretheren, may your souls be at peace." I then drink my glass of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz, wishing those guys could be there to join me.